insignificant

one week passed...i try to grab every tuesday to online and post my feelings to my blog...
sometimes i think it is a very essential things to record down my feelings, as if finding a way to drift it out from my heart. learning organizational behavior, again, we were introduced abraham maslow hierarchy of needs.
in the past, meaning in those young days (haha...meaning those days of secondary school years), i feel i was reaching the self actualization rank...always find ways to fulfill my potentials...i was confident, happily living every day with a lot of friends, always getting appraisal in academic and activities involved.
however, now...people change...i am more conservative nowadays. my confidence level dropped...to a critical point, for certain time. i feel i am in the belongingness rank now. looking for sincere love, friendship...most probably the problem lies inside of myself, how do you expect true love from someone if you never open your heart to accept somebody sincerely? perhaps many of the times, i prefer to be alone...living my little own world, listening music, reading my books...it is tiring to entertain all people around you all the time!
well, life is cruel...if you really want something happens to you, effort is needed. nothing as free lunch or gift falling from the sky. try to smile always...be initiative...(am i really have to do so? cant i just live the way of i like? must i surrender to reality?) is it necessary to climb to the top of maslow hierarchy?

1. remain insignificant, yet looking forward to be significant, that's why problems occur...