Isolation

This is my 4th semester. Every semester, comes to this going-to-end-soon period, there will be mountain high assignments to be settled!

Today, I feel so down. Just wish to isolate myself. Where is my invisible cloak? Went to French class in the morning, this is my favourite subject in this semester. I like languages! But i still have a resistance in learning cantonese. I can always understand the pain of not knowing what are others talking. That's why i try to speak the language that others are understanding (eg. do not always speak chinese when malay friends are around). But i notice there are still many do not understand and do not aware of it.

I want to join the conversation. But there is difficulty...In campus, sometimes i think i am a totally different person from what i used to be. I became quiet, silent most of the times, especially with bunch of coursemates. Not I do not want to socialize...I felt isolated, being the weird outsider...So, i will walk away...Or, i will smile, as a courtesy...I wanted to learn, but do not want to sound or act silly all the time. This stupid pride has put me in the awkward position!

The language problem sometimes make me feel i am so strange of being here. My language (some jokes or humors) are not understood...I often think, i do not belong to here!

Maybe, i never try to open my heart. Again, my pride plays it's role: why should i follow majority? why should i follow others? I should be proud of myself, my difference. In order to please others then follow whatever they are doing, this is not a wise thing.

So, since that, i have to bear the isolation. Sometimes, just being independent and enjoy on my own way.